Chances are a donkey has never read the Torah. But, Rabbi Benay Lappe has said many times (not these exact words, but close enough) that if donkeys did read the Torah they would see it as full of donkey stories. We see our own experience in the text. Four months ago I gave birth to my beautiful child and now it appears that I am seeing the text through the lens of a parent. I feel as if I’m wearing special glasses that are deepening stories of pregnancy, birth, children, and parenthood.
The Torah has gotten deeper. Pages have opened up.
At the end of the Book of Genesis we read about how Jacob blessed his grandsons Ephraim and Menashe. I got teary-eyed thinking about how, because of this blessing, I now bless Wendell each Shabbat. Then, the beginning of the Book of Exodus we read about how when baby Moses was three months old and his mother, Jocheved, could no longer hide him she put him in a basket and sent him down the Nile. At that time, my baby was just about three months too. For the first time I definitely decided that putting him in the basket was all part of an elaborate plot to keep him alive which is ultimately what happened. No longer did I even consider that she would be willing to just send him down the river with nothing but a prayer. Then we read about the worst of the plagues: the death of the first born son. My first thought? Yep you guessed it: now I have a first born son! The horror of this plague became blinding.
And now this week, yet again, my new perspective is at work. This coming Shabbat we will read Parashat Beshalach. In Parashat Beshalach the Israelites pass through the Sea of Reeds on dry ground. The sea parts – it pulls back and stretches open for them. Dialating. A birth canal. From the narrow place, Mitzrayim, to a freedom of movement. They will soon need the swaddle of Torah but for now, the Israelites are born. Delivered. And they cry out in song. Their song is one of relief and praise for God, but also, of witnessing. Their song tells the story, at least in part, of this miraculous deliverance. Shirat Hayam. Their song is a blessed pause.
I am struck by how after this grand moment the plot doesn’t keep moving forward but – through the voices of the Israelites – doubles back to recall what just happened. The narrative suspends as the Hebrew transitions from from prose to poetry. The Israelites and the reader alike are given a respite from the hustle to process the divine event that just happened. Be present, the Torah insists. Stop and tell the story.
While my birth story was not quite as smooth as that of the Israelites (more on that below) I too felt a strong desire to tell it immediately – to extend this sacred time and pause the forward motion of my own plot. I instinctively (and with the help of California disability, Paid Family Leave, etc.) took time to live in the poetry of what had just happened. I told my story to friends, and, much like the Israelites, I sang. For the entirety of Wendell’s life I have been singing – niggunim (wordless melodies), camp classics, anything. Each song is a celebration of this delivery – his delivery – and a piece of our pause.
And now, five months later, this time of poetry and pause is ending. My parental leave ends tonight and my life moves back into prose. At 8:30am our new nanny will come and help me with Wendell while I go get the folding table from downstairs and set up my work station. Just like the Israelites had to keep walking at some point (Mount Sinai awaits!) tomorrow I’ll turn off my email away message and get back to it.
So like I said, I’m seeing myself in Torah in a whole new way.
And now I want to share my birth story. Hearing the birth stories of other parents has, in many ways, set my heart free. Birth can be full of grief. I don’t think I realized this until it was my turn. The pain of birth comes not just with contractions but in releasing control and what could have been.
Birth Story of Wendell Adler
As told by Meg Adler. Written October 1, 2023.
September 12
I started cramping on the night of the 12th – not full contractions (like lighter contractions?) but enough to keep me up all night.
September 13
The day came and cramping was much calmer but still present so I rested in bed all day. That night, starting around 11pm, I was up all night with real early labor contractions (every 8 min or so?)
September 14 – Due Date
In the morning we went to our pre-scheduled OBGYN appointment. I was contracting but less frequently, and upon exam was informed I was dilated to 4 cm, 80% effacement and -2 station. My doctor told me to head into the hospital but things were calming and we went home to have lunch and rest before heading in. While home, contractions stalled out almost completely. Our doula came to help with stretches and positioning things. Nothing changed. Doula went home. That night, again, starting around 11pm, contractions started regularly again, and I labored again, all night. This time they are more intense than the night before.
September 15
The morning arrived and contractions stalled out again. Doula came back. We did more hours of positioning stretches and exercises, massage, and even nipple stimulation (we used the breast pump for the first time). Nothing was working to keep the contractions coming. That afternoon we went to Labor and Delivery triage to see if anything regarding my cervix/effacement/station had progressed and nothing had. We were sent home. We cried from frustration. That night was Erev Rosh HaShanah and we decided to take a break from thinking about everything so we snuggled up and watched services online. At 9:42pm my water broke. We were thrilled! It was a total Hollywood moment with a giant splash and we felt like things might finally be heating up. I labored all night at home, contractions about 5-7 min apart, about 1 minute long each, and high intensity.
September 16
The morning came and contractions stalled out again. Doula came back. We tried positioning and massage and homeopathic things to keep contractions coming. Some contractions came but nothing near close enough to be in active labor. We processed possible emotional blocks. Nothing was working. As the 24-hour-mark approached we got ready to go into the hospital. We went into the hospital about 4pm on the 16th and were admitted. We started medication to soften my cervix (Misoprostol) around 7pm. The half dose didn’t do much of anything. I took the full dose around 11pm. This full dose brought on contractions that started to get really intense quickly. I labored for about 5ish hours with contractions 2-3 minutes apart. It was intense and exciting and painful and hopeful. I was finally doing it, until…
September 17
…around 4am the monitor stopped picking up the baby's heart rate. They coded me for a c-section and wheeled my bed into the OR. Colleen had to stay in the labor room and she was crying as I left. Soon after arriving in the OR the doctors found his heart rate and said I could return to the labor room. However, while in the OR I opted to receive an epidural. I had been in pain and exhausted since the 12th! It was time for pain support. We went back to the labor room. The epidural started to kick in and we decided to try and sleep and prepare for potentially another day of labor. I was only 5 cm dilated at this point. But, about 10-15 min later, around 10 hospital staff ran into our room again and said his heart rate was dropping and we needed to get the baby out now. Doctors were yelling that we needed to move quickly. They brought me back to the OR and proceeded with an emergency c-section. Wendell came out purple and not crying but quickly woke up after the nurses tended to him and was totally fine. Because they were moving so quickly, my epidural was dosed very high and I received what is called a high block. I was unable to move my right hand, it felt hard to breathe and I think my neck was numb as well. I was super disoriented and exhausted. It took several hours to wear off and then I was finally able to hold Wendell.
There he was.
Boy, oh boy was he here!
And so were we.