I’ve been a Jewish educator for just about 10 years now. Part of being a Jewish educator means talking to parents and helping them make decisions about their child’s education. What are the priorities of the family? What do they hope their kid will learn, feel, and be able to do as a result of their education? Does learning Hebrew matter? Why or why not?
As I am now 31 weeks pregnant, all I can think about is my future child and how I (and my wife, of course) want to think about our own Jewish education journey. So, I’ve decided to put in writing what I think are three foundational questions all parents/guardians should ask themselves before embarking on Jewishly educating their child.
NOTE: If the below questions feel totally irrelevant or too obvious to you, then probably they aren’t for you. If these questions feel new and interesting and helpful, then great –I’m glad you found them!
1. Is Jewish education more like soccer or math?
When deciding what your parenting philosophy and expectations will be around your child’s Jewish education, some people see it as more similar to soccer than math. For those folks, Jewish education should be something you expose your kids to but ultimately it is up to them if it will bring joy and meaning and connection to their lives. For other folks, it is more like math, meaning, you hope your child has a positive experience learning about it but it is not really up to them whether they will be Jewishly educated. It is school and required. A good teacher and engaging curriculum is a plus but the outcomes are non-negotiable.
It can be helpful to know where on this continuum you and the other adults who are making decisions about your child’s Jewish education lie. And of course, this isn’t a perfect way to talk about it: Jewish education is not the same as either math or soccer. But, this framing can be helpful. Math or soccer. Required or elective. Or, something in between? Once you are clear about how you orient Jewish education within a child’s upbringing, it will be a lot easier to communicate with your child about the role of Jewish education plays in their own lives. At the very least, it’ll be easier to answer them when they inevitably groan one morning, “Do I HAVE to?!”
2. What level of transferable Jewish literacy are we going for?
We all want our kids to have a meaningful connection to Jewish tradition. Sometimes, to achieve that, communities or individuals may need to get extra creative and customize rituals, prayers, and other Jewish experiences. This is great! Seriously. In someways, this is the entire project of Jewish tradition – reinterpreting this ancient civilization in every generation. And, sometimes, we need to also ask the question, How much does it matter what other Jews are doing? For example, let’s say at the Shabbat table you have a very meaningful family custom that includes lighting candles, covering our eyes, and… reciting a poem by Mary Oliver. That’s beautiful. But, one day that kid may be invited to Shabbat somewhere else where they will be chanting the traditions blessings over the candles and children and wine and challah and and and. How much does it matter to you that your child can seamlessly participate in more “universal” Jewish observance? How much does it matter to you that they can step into a synagogue and have a sense of the prayer service? The answer to this question may inform how you want to educate your child. This doesn't mean don’t get creative and prioritize an individual’s connection to Jewish ritual. But it might mean making sure your child knows multiple versions of traditions and how your unique expression fits in.
3. What are YOU willing to commit to?
In my opinion, the biggest thing we want to avoid is dropping our kids off somewhere so that someone else can “make them Jewish.” Of course, that isn’t how it works: a Jewish kid doesn’t need to be “made” Jewish through Jewish education. And yet, there is this sense that parents (especially when they feel insecure in their own Jewish knowledge or connection) feel the need to outsource their kids Jewish education. In reality, Jewish education can never be wholly outsourced because it happens at home whether we intend it to or not. Jewish education happens at home because if Judaism were a sport, the home would be one of the main playing fields. Whether we light Shabbat candles or not, donate money or do some other form of tzedakah, decorate with Jewish art or decide to talk about Jewish current events, kids are learning about what it does and doesn't mean to be Jewish from their parents/guardians all the time.
So, the question is, even after you have identified the best tutor or program or school or synagogue, what are YOU going to do to support their education? This might mean taking on more rituals in the home. It might mean having a discussion after each Hebrew school class to see what they learned. It might mean doing some of your own learning alongside them – reading books, watching documentaries, taking classes at the JCC, or listening to podcasts. Whatever it means, and regardless of your level of Jewish literacy or experience (or even identity!) consider yourself a Jewish educator as well. At the end of the day, any Jewish education must be applied to a community – a family.